I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
