This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
