Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
