i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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