He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
nutella sex= disaster
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I supernannyed him into submission
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
