But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
