Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
her vagine was all disorganized.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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