anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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