That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
