Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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