So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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