i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
