hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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