i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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