My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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