you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
