Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
