I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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