I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
