So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
birth control should be required to get into college
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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