I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Farmville is her only friend.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
