Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
