is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
