Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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