Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
