maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I FOUND THE LEGS
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
