Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
