Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
