Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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