You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
