Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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