She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
