if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
