Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
