I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
