When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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