You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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