today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
