$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
