Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
