White coat. Heels.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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