is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
