it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
