Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
