you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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