'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
