from now on my penis is your penis
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
