I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
