The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
