It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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