Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
