I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
