Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
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So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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