Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
