how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
