do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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