quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
