As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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