I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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