9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
