I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
