I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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