not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
