we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
