Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize