so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
