This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
