Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
