i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
