I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
