we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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