my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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