drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
