I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
