PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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