Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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