I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
