Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
