I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
