I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
