no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Help. Why am I so naked?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
