it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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