it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
