Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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